Middle of No where TN

Yesterday I got up and registered Logan for baseball.  Turns out the coach he has had for 4 years has moved and no one will know Logan as we are at a new field. I hope this is a good thing. I then headed out of town, only for my car's check engine light to come on again, doing the same thing it did last weekend and I JUST had it in on Wednesday to be fixed.  This was frustrating because now I will have to go without a car again and try to get rides to and from work again.

I took a road trip yesterday to hand deliver glasses that I ordered for my old neighbors.  I had known them for 5 years before they moved. The were the BEST ever!  I haven't seen them in over a year. They have a son named Logan as well and when they lived here I called him Lil Logan, not to get confused with my Logan, but he isn't so little anymore. I love that little boy like he is my own, as I've known him since he was 3 months old.  He had a friend stay the night on Friday and told his friend he also had another friend coming over on Sat.  His parents looked at him in confusion and asked who and he replied "Keri".  They told him that I was their friend and he said "Well she is my friend too, because she plays with me".  This cracked me up.  We went to lunch, I convinced him to try to ride his bike without help (This was a success!), played the wii, at supper and yummy brownies, and ran around the house playing darts!  It was so much fun and I miss the guys so much. I even got cuddle time with Logan, which he hardly EVER does with anyone.  I enjoyed every min. of it!

Logan's sucessful bike ride

Say Cheese

Getting some loving

Tony is all ready for dart wars

Logan was having way to much fun shooting me

I'm Blessed

Sometimes I don't understand double standards people hold.  It's ok for others to lie to you and you forgive them, but let you find out what they lied about and you are the bad one for the way you found out and are unforgiveable!  Sound fair?  Not to me, but I've learned that forgiveness is about me and not the person I am forgiving, so for me I choose to forgive so I can Let it Go and move on, but for those who choose NOT to forgive me, that OK too because I don't need you to forgive me, GOD already has and in the end He is the one I have to answer to.

The past 7 days seem like it's been a month.  It's seem like I've come so far in such a short time and it's amazing at how things happen and how I feel.  For years I have been so worked up when things didn't go right regardless if I had control over it or not (ie....late for something because of a wreck), but all things considered I have done rather well this week, esp. after all the things that broke last weekend alone.  Let's see,  my home computer got a virus and it took me forever to fix it or figure out how but God had a friend call at just the right time to give me one idea that I hadn't tried. Thank you God! I had to get my car to the dealership because my crankshaft sensor went out which meant I had to find a ride to work and back to the dealership that night before they closed.  Thank you God for putting those I work with at work that day. One picked me up on the way to work and one lived on the other side of town which is where I needed to get to get my car.  On Wed. I was accused of EVERYTHING and my job was threatened.  As hard as that was, I gave it to GOD because he ultimately provides for me. Today my computer at work failed and it's not like I can use another computer to do my job. I have a certain program that ONLY MY computer has on it.  Needless to say after adding another Gig, making it 2, it still DIDN'T work, which meant that I couldn't get my job done, so on Monday I have not only all my orders from today, but all orders from SRP and everything that I get until my computer gets fixed.  I was VERY THANKFUL that it's wasn't crazy busy for walk ins and those that did walk in had their RX so I could help them.  They may have to replace my hard drive at work which is the LAST thing I would want them to do, because again the program I use isn't on a disk and it takes over 2 hours to load it back again and recover all of my files.  As you can tell I've had to do that once or twice before and I would normally get frustrated, but I was very mellow today and about everything that has happened.  I thought getting upset isn't going to change anything that happened so I didn't.  Amazing for me!  I'm so proud of myself.

Tonight was worship night and after I left the church I went to Cold Stone Creamy to get a kids size cup with Cake Batter Ice Cream.  I stood in line for over 30 mins and when the lady asked me what I wanted I told her and she asked twice if that was all I wanted and I told her yes.  She walked over to the person at the register and told her mine was on her. I wasn't sure what was going on but she gave it to me for FREE! Wow THANK YOU GOD!  I fully intended on paying.  What a blessing!

I'm so blessed!
Thank you God,
Me

??

Saying something and doing something are 2 completely different animals, no matter how good your intentions are.  Words are easily said, but putting actions behind those words, well we are all faulty there, but I'm just going to focus on my faults. 

I'm going to rewind my life about 20 years!  Most of you who follow my blog did not know me all those years ago, but a few did and for those few you may remember the Happy Go Lucky, nothing can stand in Keri's way person!  Yes, for those that know me now there was a time in my life where nothing mattered, I mean it did, but I didn't let it bother me. If you liked me fine, and if you didn't well that was fine too, but I lost myself many years ago after having my children and getting married.  I lost who I was and who I was suppose to be and became someone who tried to fix everyone else but me!  I spent the last 19 years raising kids and 15 of those years with a man that I guess I thought I could change.  A man that didn't love me for me.  A man that I gave my life to.  I've been lost for so long that I didn't know who I was anymore or even where to find her. She has come out a few times when I've been on my cruises and on my trip to Australia where I could focus only on me.  During those times I wasn't in mom mode 24/7 and I was free to be me, but I found I should be ME all the time. 

I found myself standing on a cliff, metaphorically speaking and I was either going to find God and save myself or I was going to jump to the point of no return.  I went the ONLY place I knew to go and I drove straight to church.  This wasn't on a Wednesday night, or Sunday, it was in the middle of the day.  I found the doors locked, but the hours said they were open, so as I was pulling on a locked door, I'm calling the number on the door and at the same time a guy comes and opens the door.  I was an emotional wreck!  All I could get out was I wanted to find God, that I wasn't crazy, but I know he probably thought I was, but I felt as if I had NO OTHER OPTION.  I felt that I didn't matter to anyone and it was to the point that I truly belived that in my mind along with all the other lies that I've been told and after a while you begin to believe those lies. Lies that the devil and those that really didn't matter instilled in my head were I didn't matter, I wasn't pretty, I was ugly, I was fat, I was worthless, I'm divorced and don't deserve any better.  For years I've believed every single one of those lies and I repeated them in my head.  I could look myself in the mirror but I didn't see anyone special looking back.  I'm been working on a book called Me, Myself and Lies and it specifically pertains to lies we tell ourselves in our "Thought Closet".  Mine is full of lies and negativity and regardless of what scripture said, I still would defy it and continue to tell myself lies because in my head I saw it as the truth, not lies. 

I still have a hard time believing in the unseen, the unknown, the untouched, but I will tell you that on this day, God put certain people in my life.  You see I reached out to a friend, we will call her "A" this morning via IM and she was going to call me later because she was at an appointment.  I drove to this church, which I didn't attend on a regular Sunday basis (I attended a growth group, a worship service, a bible study but not a regular Sunday basis). I was brought upstairs to talk to the woman who works in the office, whom I met before at Victory weekend.  We talked for a bit and when I told her who I was talking to via IM, she said that "A" was on her way to the church for a completely different reason. Now "A" didn't know that I was at the church, I just drove there.  So "A" gets to the church and tells me that "C" the preachers wife was reading a book and thought of me and brought my name specifically up to "A" that morning.  Coincidence or Fate?  That's a hard one but all the dots were connecting whether I wanted to see it or not. 

Alot was said in a 2 hour time span and I had to come home to deal with my everyday life and my kids.  "L" and I had a talk and even though "L" didn't know me when I was 16 she heard the stories and she wanted me to find the person that I use to be.  I was "L" 16 years ago!  A beautiful, happy, go lucky girl and I'm going to find that person I use to be, the only difference is I will have God as my Father and Lord of my Saviour and everything else will come.  I'm not saying that life is going to be perfect and just because God is God that everything is grand because we live in a sin filled world and it's not GRAND by NO MEANS, but it is GRAND in Heaven and eternity is promised and that is what I will look forward too.  Carrie Underwood says it best when she says this is our temporary home, not where we belong, it's just a place we're passing through!!!!!!!

Thank you God for placing all the people in my life that you have, Yes even the ones that turned my life upside down and inside out.  I don't know what your plan is for me, but I know it's more than I can ever begin to imagine and I know in this life, I know what I've been but here in your arms I know what I am, I'm FORGIVEN and I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been because I'm FORGIVEN!

Thank you God! Thank you! I know I MATTER TO YOU! I AM A TREASURE TO YOU IN THE ARMS OF CHRIST!

Love to all who have stood by me, in front of me, behind me, and who have NEVER left me!

Dear God

Dear God,
This has been a trying couple of days... please continue to give me strength.

Show me your path, lead me to the light of awakening to your word and purpose of why things have to be this way. I rest on knowing you ask for us to trust you and just take one day at a time. We need to focus on our blessings each day.

I know I am best when I live for each day ... but sometimes it is hard to keep my eyes on just today. I sometimes look past at the huge looming mountain ahead of us... the shadow it casts appears very dark. But it is my decision how I go forward. I once again, give all my fears and burdens back to you. I bet you keep wondering why I keep taking them back? I have no idea... they are trash and just weigh me down in life.

For God, I am tired and cannot walk with this emotion of stress and hurt any longer. God, you gave us the power to Love in such a way ... that your love cannot only move mountains, but that great love can shatter hearts at the same time.

But, I believe through you... our hearts now shattered can help us gain an amazing spiritual strength from within. And now... even with a shattered or shredded or aching heart... our love becomes stronger than ever before.

This overwhelmin​g love and suffering combined... is what in the end will move the mountains in front of us. You are love, right God? So the more love we have within ourselves... the closer we are to you. If I think about the past couple days... it now reminds me... how you work. You have allowed me to suffer in my own despair these past few days as my life has been a roller coaster ride of emotion.

Maybe God, you needed me stronger... you needed my love to grow and you needed me closer to you. And through your great love for me, you allowed my heart to be shattered all over . And now it is my time to heal, rebuild and fight. I will with you, now become stronger than ever before. The closer I am to you, God, the more love is inside of me.
Your love gives me a supernatura​l strength to face my fears... or let go of them. Love can move mountains... so I must believe with full heart that together... you and I will move this mountain .

Draw me closer to you God this week... thanks for always being there for me. I really NEED you!

In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.

Birthday Snow

I know it's been a while since I've posted so I figured I would try to update a little bit. Nothing to exciting to speak of. I've never had a white Christmas but I can say I had a White Birthday.  I woke up to snow and lots of it!  We have a birthday tradition of going out to eat, so Brooklyn, Logan and I and a few of Brooklyn's friends went out to O'Charleys to eat.  Wouldn't you know we get all the way back to the house and my car gets stuck where the water drains down the road.  I had boards in front and behind the front tires trying to get traction. Mind you that this guy was across the street shoveling his driveway the entire time watching Logan and I "Try" to push my car!  You know what he does?  He comes over after 20 mins and offfers me a piece of cardboard.  Duh, man if boards don't work I don't think cardboard will. He didn't even offer to help push my car and I couldn't leave it in the street as it was blocking both lanes.  Anyhow finally got it in the driveway and didn't leave again! 

Dear Mother Nature,
The snow is pretty to look at but not so nice to drive in, esp. when it freezes overnight.  I know the groundhog saw he shadow, but can you please send spring early! Thank you!

My Front Yard on my Birthday

Looking out from my front porch

Brooklyn's car and my car hidden under lots of snow

Maiya, Denyse, Logan, Brooklyn, Me and Jonathan at O'Charleys