OMG, This is rediculous. I've heard of being too mean, too needy, too bossy, too alot of things, but TOO NICE? I don't get it! I just don't get people and this stupid world and society we live in. Church or NO CHURCH everyone knows "Treat others how you want to be treated," but NO, be yourself, nice and you are faulted for being "TOO" nice. How can you be too nice?
You can't win for losing in this world, no matter what you do! You can be a Saint, and you will still lose. I'm NOT TOO NICE, I'm just ME!!!!!!! I don't do anything for anyone that I wouldn't want done for me if I were in the same situation, place, time, whatever. You just DO the right thing, or put yourself in that person's shoes and see how if you were them, how would you want to be treated. Mean???? I don't think so, and if you want to be treated mean then put your kid or your spouse in that position and ask the same question.
I say I'm SORRY for everything. I take fault even when it's not mine, or no fault to be placed, but I do....except for this. I WILL NOT say I'm sorry for being the person I am. I am NOT going to change doing things for others (being Too nice as some call it), just because someone thinks that. I'm not the smartest person on this earth, but that is just idiodic!!!!!!
Do you REALLY have to be a Bitch in this world or an Asshole??? Is that what it takes to get into Heaven? If that is, then I will be left behind, but the sad thing is everyone is going to die a SINNER. NO ONE, NO ONE....will die unless they are getting the death sentence or know you are dying, then no one can ask forgivness for sins they haven't asked forgiveness for if they don't know they are dying. A sin is a sin....my lie is just as bad as a murder! Sin doesn't have RANK or NUMBERS....sin is sin.
You know what's nice, is someone gave me the Freedom of speach and considering no one really checks my blog, I can say whatever I want to say, that's my right and in my opinion, PEOPLE ARE JUST DUMB! You don't even have to be smart to be nice. Ever heard of common sense?
Frustrating......UGH....it's not like I came from a loving, affectionate home, but even so, I give everyone what I would have wanted. Not a day goes by that my kids are NOT told I love you because everyday they are and not a day goes by that I don't go out of my way to help someone, beyond just the everday normal routine.
It bothers me that someone would say I'm TOO NICE...I don't understand it, but I am who I am! Take me as I am or watch me as I go. Love me for who I am, or HATE me for what I'm not. I can change me and only me, but the common sense, the southern hospitality, the smile, the kindness, the giving person that I am, THAT I will NOT change. So if you walked out of my life and turned your back on me because I'm "Too Nice", then ....well that's your choice, because I'm not perfect, and I guess you weren't meant to be in my life anyway, but to make me stronger. It wasn't to love me, it wasn't to give me something I've never had before, it wasn't to take care of me, it was all to hurt me, but they say everything happens for a reason, good and bad, so I guess it was to make me stronger. For what, I don't know.....but really on this earth, in the realm of everything, I'm just a microscopic spec, and I can HONESTLY say I DO NOT KNOW why I'm here. It's a crazy, messed up, fallen world......and I can sit here and blame Eve for eating the apple, but really what would you have done in her place? Curiosity....everyone has it, so really I don't blame her. I probably would have done the same thing!!!
UGH..........................................................................................................................................................
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Vacation 2010
July 10-17 2010
This was the first vacation the kids and I have taken together as a family in 4 years. It started early on the 10th when I left at 3 am and picked Logan and Alexis up at 4am on my way out. Considering the drive was 11.5 hours it was nice. About the only thing the kids fought over was going to be who sat in the front seat. When we arrived at our hotel, we were a little early and our room was not ready, so we grabbed our suits and walked down 2 condo's to my friends where the kids changed and went swimming and I talked to "Dad" for a while until Miki and Tami came back. About an hour later or so I went back our hotel to see if the room was ready and it was. The kids were so excited to see the room. We had a one BR suite where the BR was separated from the LR and the kitchen had marble granite tops. The kids fought as to who would sleep in the king size bed I had or the couch, because they both preferred the couch. Logan claimed his spot on the couch and made his "nest" and Lex slept with me. After a long trip and swimming in a salt water pool, both of their eyes were stinging and swollen. We all had a good night sleep and woke in the morning. Both kids were excited to hit the beach and try out their boogie boards. Logan caught on pretty quick and Lex would rather just float on hers in the deeper water. We they were not at the beach we were just chilling at the pool. On Monday we rented a jet ski to break up the week a little bit. Alexis was upset because you can't operate on until you are 14 and anyone under 21 needed to take a test. I'm glad I'm older than that...LOL. We just stayed inside the bay because it was pretty choppy and we had a 3 man jet ski and Alexis didn't like being beat up in the back. We even saw a couple of dolphins playing around in the bay.
This was the first vacation the kids and I have taken together as a family in 4 years. It started early on the 10th when I left at 3 am and picked Logan and Alexis up at 4am on my way out. Considering the drive was 11.5 hours it was nice. About the only thing the kids fought over was going to be who sat in the front seat. When we arrived at our hotel, we were a little early and our room was not ready, so we grabbed our suits and walked down 2 condo's to my friends where the kids changed and went swimming and I talked to "Dad" for a while until Miki and Tami came back. About an hour later or so I went back our hotel to see if the room was ready and it was. The kids were so excited to see the room. We had a one BR suite where the BR was separated from the LR and the kitchen had marble granite tops. The kids fought as to who would sleep in the king size bed I had or the couch, because they both preferred the couch. Logan claimed his spot on the couch and made his "nest" and Lex slept with me. After a long trip and swimming in a salt water pool, both of their eyes were stinging and swollen. We all had a good night sleep and woke in the morning. Both kids were excited to hit the beach and try out their boogie boards. Logan caught on pretty quick and Lex would rather just float on hers in the deeper water. We they were not at the beach we were just chilling at the pool. On Monday we rented a jet ski to break up the week a little bit. Alexis was upset because you can't operate on until you are 14 and anyone under 21 needed to take a test. I'm glad I'm older than that...LOL. We just stayed inside the bay because it was pretty choppy and we had a 3 man jet ski and Alexis didn't like being beat up in the back. We even saw a couple of dolphins playing around in the bay.
On Wednesday we went to Busch Gardens. Since most of the rides were roller coasters and none of us are really into them, I did want Alexis to ride at least 2. The first one I had ridden before and it is one you are under the track, which I like those better and Alexis said she would ride that one but when she asked me how many flips it had in it, which was 7 she freaked out and gave me this horrible face. In the end she stayed behind and Logan road it with me. Even though he said he was scared he didn't cry or scream once. All of us road on Gwazi which is a wooden roller coaster which beat us to death. I'm surprised I still have hearing in my right ear because Alexis screams REALLY loud. We found a little critter our our walk as well. Somehow he escaped his cage but he was just looking for food. It will be a while before anyone will get their drivers license considering the driving they did in the bumper cars. It was a great week being able to get up and do things at our own pace for the whole week. We could do things if we wanted and we could just be lazy if we didn't. What more could anyone ask for. There was a shake shop right in front of our hotel which was great.
The kids and I had a great time. They enjoyed waking up on the beach and going to sleep on the beach. The loved the go with the flow kind of idea. Walks on the beach during the day and night and watching the sunset on the water made for some beautiful sunsets! Making friends and memories is what it's all about!
We checked out of the hotel on Saturday moring and headed for Alabama to see a friend of mine I haven't seen in 5 years. The kids had a GREAT time playing on the pool table and it broke the trip up since Alabama was 1/2 way. All in all the trip was relaxing and enjoyable and memories were made!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Update
I didn't realize it has been so long since I have updated. The whole month of March has come and gone. Brooklyn turned 19, the last year of her being a teenager. James leaves in a few weeks. Baseball season has started which I love and I still miss Alexis very much. I haven't been able to see Alexis like I've wanted, but with gas prices going up I just can't afford to go every weekend but I love her very much!
For Spring Break the kids went to La. to see their Nana. Travis got and IPhone and is really figuring it out. It's nice to be able to keep in touch with him more and I love getting the video's of my nephew Landon.
I miss Australia, my Aunt and my Uncle. I wish it wasn't so far away and one day I'm going to pay them back for the kindness they showed me. I was hoping I would have that done by now, but Uncle Sam had a different idea. Yeah you see HE owes me money and it seems they lost the paperwork that was attatched to my Tax return....so tell me how they have my tax return and not the paperwork that was sent with it and then it took them 6 wks to send me a letter stating they needed the same exact paperwork sent back in and then their timetable gets to start over so another 6 to 8 wks from the date they receive it and then they can start over again. I don't understand! They didn't file and extention with me and they claim they don't have to pay me interest. Can I send them to jail for not paying me MY MONEY?
Oh and life! I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish boys, guys, men would just LEAVE ME ALONE! I'm so so tired of guys asking about me, asking me out, yada yada and when I FINALLY give them a chance, I'm the one that gets the door slammed in her face. Ummmm WHY? WHY do people get their thrills off hurting and confusing someone and playing games with the mind and heart! I'm tired of the games, the game is OVER!! If there is ONE thing I learned even though it took me 15 years to learn is that I DESERVE someone to love me for me and I don't HAVE to settle for anything less, so if you are NOT TRUELY interested in ME, KERI, then LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
On the other note, I have met some great people through those that have hurt me! It's funny how that works out. Certain people may not talk to me, but I still talk to their friends and they talk to me.
Let's see, what else has happened??????
I think that about sums up the month of March and come to think about it, it's 1/2 way through April now. This year is just flying by! I'm so ready for Jazz on the Lawn to start. Rivers and Spires starts this weekend and Charlie Daniels will be there. I hope it doesn't rain this year even though it's suppose to and it will be COLD. I have loved the weather the past couple of weeks. My Heater is LOVING the warmer weather! It was one of the coldest winters in the past 30 years in TN. At one point this winter 49 states had snow! Really what is happening to the world?
God help me! Please!
For Spring Break the kids went to La. to see their Nana. Travis got and IPhone and is really figuring it out. It's nice to be able to keep in touch with him more and I love getting the video's of my nephew Landon.
I miss Australia, my Aunt and my Uncle. I wish it wasn't so far away and one day I'm going to pay them back for the kindness they showed me. I was hoping I would have that done by now, but Uncle Sam had a different idea. Yeah you see HE owes me money and it seems they lost the paperwork that was attatched to my Tax return....so tell me how they have my tax return and not the paperwork that was sent with it and then it took them 6 wks to send me a letter stating they needed the same exact paperwork sent back in and then their timetable gets to start over so another 6 to 8 wks from the date they receive it and then they can start over again. I don't understand! They didn't file and extention with me and they claim they don't have to pay me interest. Can I send them to jail for not paying me MY MONEY?
Oh and life! I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish boys, guys, men would just LEAVE ME ALONE! I'm so so tired of guys asking about me, asking me out, yada yada and when I FINALLY give them a chance, I'm the one that gets the door slammed in her face. Ummmm WHY? WHY do people get their thrills off hurting and confusing someone and playing games with the mind and heart! I'm tired of the games, the game is OVER!! If there is ONE thing I learned even though it took me 15 years to learn is that I DESERVE someone to love me for me and I don't HAVE to settle for anything less, so if you are NOT TRUELY interested in ME, KERI, then LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
On the other note, I have met some great people through those that have hurt me! It's funny how that works out. Certain people may not talk to me, but I still talk to their friends and they talk to me.
Let's see, what else has happened??????
I think that about sums up the month of March and come to think about it, it's 1/2 way through April now. This year is just flying by! I'm so ready for Jazz on the Lawn to start. Rivers and Spires starts this weekend and Charlie Daniels will be there. I hope it doesn't rain this year even though it's suppose to and it will be COLD. I have loved the weather the past couple of weeks. My Heater is LOVING the warmer weather! It was one of the coldest winters in the past 30 years in TN. At one point this winter 49 states had snow! Really what is happening to the world?
God help me! Please!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Middle of No where TN
Yesterday I got up and registered Logan for baseball. Turns out the coach he has had for 4 years has moved and no one will know Logan as we are at a new field. I hope this is a good thing. I then headed out of town, only for my car's check engine light to come on again, doing the same thing it did last weekend and I JUST had it in on Wednesday to be fixed. This was frustrating because now I will have to go without a car again and try to get rides to and from work again.
I took a road trip yesterday to hand deliver glasses that I ordered for my old neighbors. I had known them for 5 years before they moved. The were the BEST ever! I haven't seen them in over a year. They have a son named Logan as well and when they lived here I called him Lil Logan, not to get confused with my Logan, but he isn't so little anymore. I love that little boy like he is my own, as I've known him since he was 3 months old. He had a friend stay the night on Friday and told his friend he also had another friend coming over on Sat. His parents looked at him in confusion and asked who and he replied "Keri". They told him that I was their friend and he said "Well she is my friend too, because she plays with me". This cracked me up. We went to lunch, I convinced him to try to ride his bike without help (This was a success!), played the wii, at supper and yummy brownies, and ran around the house playing darts! It was so much fun and I miss the guys so much. I even got cuddle time with Logan, which he hardly EVER does with anyone. I enjoyed every min. of it!
Tony is all ready for dart wars
I took a road trip yesterday to hand deliver glasses that I ordered for my old neighbors. I had known them for 5 years before they moved. The were the BEST ever! I haven't seen them in over a year. They have a son named Logan as well and when they lived here I called him Lil Logan, not to get confused with my Logan, but he isn't so little anymore. I love that little boy like he is my own, as I've known him since he was 3 months old. He had a friend stay the night on Friday and told his friend he also had another friend coming over on Sat. His parents looked at him in confusion and asked who and he replied "Keri". They told him that I was their friend and he said "Well she is my friend too, because she plays with me". This cracked me up. We went to lunch, I convinced him to try to ride his bike without help (This was a success!), played the wii, at supper and yummy brownies, and ran around the house playing darts! It was so much fun and I miss the guys so much. I even got cuddle time with Logan, which he hardly EVER does with anyone. I enjoyed every min. of it!
Logan's sucessful bike ride
Say Cheese
Getting some loving
Tony is all ready for dart wars
Logan was having way to much fun shooting me
Friday, February 26, 2010
I'm Blessed
Sometimes I don't understand double standards people hold. It's ok for others to lie to you and you forgive them, but let you find out what they lied about and you are the bad one for the way you found out and are unforgiveable! Sound fair? Not to me, but I've learned that forgiveness is about me and not the person I am forgiving, so for me I choose to forgive so I can Let it Go and move on, but for those who choose NOT to forgive me, that OK too because I don't need you to forgive me, GOD already has and in the end He is the one I have to answer to.
The past 7 days seem like it's been a month. It's seem like I've come so far in such a short time and it's amazing at how things happen and how I feel. For years I have been so worked up when things didn't go right regardless if I had control over it or not (ie....late for something because of a wreck), but all things considered I have done rather well this week, esp. after all the things that broke last weekend alone. Let's see, my home computer got a virus and it took me forever to fix it or figure out how but God had a friend call at just the right time to give me one idea that I hadn't tried. Thank you God! I had to get my car to the dealership because my crankshaft sensor went out which meant I had to find a ride to work and back to the dealership that night before they closed. Thank you God for putting those I work with at work that day. One picked me up on the way to work and one lived on the other side of town which is where I needed to get to get my car. On Wed. I was accused of EVERYTHING and my job was threatened. As hard as that was, I gave it to GOD because he ultimately provides for me. Today my computer at work failed and it's not like I can use another computer to do my job. I have a certain program that ONLY MY computer has on it. Needless to say after adding another Gig, making it 2, it still DIDN'T work, which meant that I couldn't get my job done, so on Monday I have not only all my orders from today, but all orders from SRP and everything that I get until my computer gets fixed. I was VERY THANKFUL that it's wasn't crazy busy for walk ins and those that did walk in had their RX so I could help them. They may have to replace my hard drive at work which is the LAST thing I would want them to do, because again the program I use isn't on a disk and it takes over 2 hours to load it back again and recover all of my files. As you can tell I've had to do that once or twice before and I would normally get frustrated, but I was very mellow today and about everything that has happened. I thought getting upset isn't going to change anything that happened so I didn't. Amazing for me! I'm so proud of myself.
Tonight was worship night and after I left the church I went to Cold Stone Creamy to get a kids size cup with Cake Batter Ice Cream. I stood in line for over 30 mins and when the lady asked me what I wanted I told her and she asked twice if that was all I wanted and I told her yes. She walked over to the person at the register and told her mine was on her. I wasn't sure what was going on but she gave it to me for FREE! Wow THANK YOU GOD! I fully intended on paying. What a blessing!
I'm so blessed!
Thank you God,
Me
The past 7 days seem like it's been a month. It's seem like I've come so far in such a short time and it's amazing at how things happen and how I feel. For years I have been so worked up when things didn't go right regardless if I had control over it or not (ie....late for something because of a wreck), but all things considered I have done rather well this week, esp. after all the things that broke last weekend alone. Let's see, my home computer got a virus and it took me forever to fix it or figure out how but God had a friend call at just the right time to give me one idea that I hadn't tried. Thank you God! I had to get my car to the dealership because my crankshaft sensor went out which meant I had to find a ride to work and back to the dealership that night before they closed. Thank you God for putting those I work with at work that day. One picked me up on the way to work and one lived on the other side of town which is where I needed to get to get my car. On Wed. I was accused of EVERYTHING and my job was threatened. As hard as that was, I gave it to GOD because he ultimately provides for me. Today my computer at work failed and it's not like I can use another computer to do my job. I have a certain program that ONLY MY computer has on it. Needless to say after adding another Gig, making it 2, it still DIDN'T work, which meant that I couldn't get my job done, so on Monday I have not only all my orders from today, but all orders from SRP and everything that I get until my computer gets fixed. I was VERY THANKFUL that it's wasn't crazy busy for walk ins and those that did walk in had their RX so I could help them. They may have to replace my hard drive at work which is the LAST thing I would want them to do, because again the program I use isn't on a disk and it takes over 2 hours to load it back again and recover all of my files. As you can tell I've had to do that once or twice before and I would normally get frustrated, but I was very mellow today and about everything that has happened. I thought getting upset isn't going to change anything that happened so I didn't. Amazing for me! I'm so proud of myself.
Tonight was worship night and after I left the church I went to Cold Stone Creamy to get a kids size cup with Cake Batter Ice Cream. I stood in line for over 30 mins and when the lady asked me what I wanted I told her and she asked twice if that was all I wanted and I told her yes. She walked over to the person at the register and told her mine was on her. I wasn't sure what was going on but she gave it to me for FREE! Wow THANK YOU GOD! I fully intended on paying. What a blessing!
I'm so blessed!
Thank you God,
Me
Sunday, February 21, 2010
??
Saying something and doing something are 2 completely different animals, no matter how good your intentions are. Words are easily said, but putting actions behind those words, well we are all faulty there, but I'm just going to focus on my faults.
I'm going to rewind my life about 20 years! Most of you who follow my blog did not know me all those years ago, but a few did and for those few you may remember the Happy Go Lucky, nothing can stand in Keri's way person! Yes, for those that know me now there was a time in my life where nothing mattered, I mean it did, but I didn't let it bother me. If you liked me fine, and if you didn't well that was fine too, but I lost myself many years ago after having my children and getting married. I lost who I was and who I was suppose to be and became someone who tried to fix everyone else but me! I spent the last 19 years raising kids and 15 of those years with a man that I guess I thought I could change. A man that didn't love me for me. A man that I gave my life to. I've been lost for so long that I didn't know who I was anymore or even where to find her. She has come out a few times when I've been on my cruises and on my trip to Australia where I could focus only on me. During those times I wasn't in mom mode 24/7 and I was free to be me, but I found I should be ME all the time.
I found myself standing on a cliff, metaphorically speaking and I was either going to find God and save myself or I was going to jump to the point of no return. I went the ONLY place I knew to go and I drove straight to church. This wasn't on a Wednesday night, or Sunday, it was in the middle of the day. I found the doors locked, but the hours said they were open, so as I was pulling on a locked door, I'm calling the number on the door and at the same time a guy comes and opens the door. I was an emotional wreck! All I could get out was I wanted to find God, that I wasn't crazy, but I know he probably thought I was, but I felt as if I had NO OTHER OPTION. I felt that I didn't matter to anyone and it was to the point that I truly belived that in my mind along with all the other lies that I've been told and after a while you begin to believe those lies. Lies that the devil and those that really didn't matter instilled in my head were I didn't matter, I wasn't pretty, I was ugly, I was fat, I was worthless, I'm divorced and don't deserve any better. For years I've believed every single one of those lies and I repeated them in my head. I could look myself in the mirror but I didn't see anyone special looking back. I'm been working on a book called Me, Myself and Lies and it specifically pertains to lies we tell ourselves in our "Thought Closet". Mine is full of lies and negativity and regardless of what scripture said, I still would defy it and continue to tell myself lies because in my head I saw it as the truth, not lies.
I still have a hard time believing in the unseen, the unknown, the untouched, but I will tell you that on this day, God put certain people in my life. You see I reached out to a friend, we will call her "A" this morning via IM and she was going to call me later because she was at an appointment. I drove to this church, which I didn't attend on a regular Sunday basis (I attended a growth group, a worship service, a bible study but not a regular Sunday basis). I was brought upstairs to talk to the woman who works in the office, whom I met before at Victory weekend. We talked for a bit and when I told her who I was talking to via IM, she said that "A" was on her way to the church for a completely different reason. Now "A" didn't know that I was at the church, I just drove there. So "A" gets to the church and tells me that "C" the preachers wife was reading a book and thought of me and brought my name specifically up to "A" that morning. Coincidence or Fate? That's a hard one but all the dots were connecting whether I wanted to see it or not.
Alot was said in a 2 hour time span and I had to come home to deal with my everyday life and my kids. "L" and I had a talk and even though "L" didn't know me when I was 16 she heard the stories and she wanted me to find the person that I use to be. I was "L" 16 years ago! A beautiful, happy, go lucky girl and I'm going to find that person I use to be, the only difference is I will have God as my Father and Lord of my Saviour and everything else will come. I'm not saying that life is going to be perfect and just because God is God that everything is grand because we live in a sin filled world and it's not GRAND by NO MEANS, but it is GRAND in Heaven and eternity is promised and that is what I will look forward too. Carrie Underwood says it best when she says this is our temporary home, not where we belong, it's just a place we're passing through!!!!!!!
Thank you God for placing all the people in my life that you have, Yes even the ones that turned my life upside down and inside out. I don't know what your plan is for me, but I know it's more than I can ever begin to imagine and I know in this life, I know what I've been but here in your arms I know what I am, I'm FORGIVEN and I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been because I'm FORGIVEN!
Thank you God! Thank you! I know I MATTER TO YOU! I AM A TREASURE TO YOU IN THE ARMS OF CHRIST!
Love to all who have stood by me, in front of me, behind me, and who have NEVER left me!
I'm going to rewind my life about 20 years! Most of you who follow my blog did not know me all those years ago, but a few did and for those few you may remember the Happy Go Lucky, nothing can stand in Keri's way person! Yes, for those that know me now there was a time in my life where nothing mattered, I mean it did, but I didn't let it bother me. If you liked me fine, and if you didn't well that was fine too, but I lost myself many years ago after having my children and getting married. I lost who I was and who I was suppose to be and became someone who tried to fix everyone else but me! I spent the last 19 years raising kids and 15 of those years with a man that I guess I thought I could change. A man that didn't love me for me. A man that I gave my life to. I've been lost for so long that I didn't know who I was anymore or even where to find her. She has come out a few times when I've been on my cruises and on my trip to Australia where I could focus only on me. During those times I wasn't in mom mode 24/7 and I was free to be me, but I found I should be ME all the time.
I found myself standing on a cliff, metaphorically speaking and I was either going to find God and save myself or I was going to jump to the point of no return. I went the ONLY place I knew to go and I drove straight to church. This wasn't on a Wednesday night, or Sunday, it was in the middle of the day. I found the doors locked, but the hours said they were open, so as I was pulling on a locked door, I'm calling the number on the door and at the same time a guy comes and opens the door. I was an emotional wreck! All I could get out was I wanted to find God, that I wasn't crazy, but I know he probably thought I was, but I felt as if I had NO OTHER OPTION. I felt that I didn't matter to anyone and it was to the point that I truly belived that in my mind along with all the other lies that I've been told and after a while you begin to believe those lies. Lies that the devil and those that really didn't matter instilled in my head were I didn't matter, I wasn't pretty, I was ugly, I was fat, I was worthless, I'm divorced and don't deserve any better. For years I've believed every single one of those lies and I repeated them in my head. I could look myself in the mirror but I didn't see anyone special looking back. I'm been working on a book called Me, Myself and Lies and it specifically pertains to lies we tell ourselves in our "Thought Closet". Mine is full of lies and negativity and regardless of what scripture said, I still would defy it and continue to tell myself lies because in my head I saw it as the truth, not lies.
I still have a hard time believing in the unseen, the unknown, the untouched, but I will tell you that on this day, God put certain people in my life. You see I reached out to a friend, we will call her "A" this morning via IM and she was going to call me later because she was at an appointment. I drove to this church, which I didn't attend on a regular Sunday basis (I attended a growth group, a worship service, a bible study but not a regular Sunday basis). I was brought upstairs to talk to the woman who works in the office, whom I met before at Victory weekend. We talked for a bit and when I told her who I was talking to via IM, she said that "A" was on her way to the church for a completely different reason. Now "A" didn't know that I was at the church, I just drove there. So "A" gets to the church and tells me that "C" the preachers wife was reading a book and thought of me and brought my name specifically up to "A" that morning. Coincidence or Fate? That's a hard one but all the dots were connecting whether I wanted to see it or not.
Alot was said in a 2 hour time span and I had to come home to deal with my everyday life and my kids. "L" and I had a talk and even though "L" didn't know me when I was 16 she heard the stories and she wanted me to find the person that I use to be. I was "L" 16 years ago! A beautiful, happy, go lucky girl and I'm going to find that person I use to be, the only difference is I will have God as my Father and Lord of my Saviour and everything else will come. I'm not saying that life is going to be perfect and just because God is God that everything is grand because we live in a sin filled world and it's not GRAND by NO MEANS, but it is GRAND in Heaven and eternity is promised and that is what I will look forward too. Carrie Underwood says it best when she says this is our temporary home, not where we belong, it's just a place we're passing through!!!!!!!
Thank you God for placing all the people in my life that you have, Yes even the ones that turned my life upside down and inside out. I don't know what your plan is for me, but I know it's more than I can ever begin to imagine and I know in this life, I know what I've been but here in your arms I know what I am, I'm FORGIVEN and I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been because I'm FORGIVEN!
Thank you God! Thank you! I know I MATTER TO YOU! I AM A TREASURE TO YOU IN THE ARMS OF CHRIST!
Love to all who have stood by me, in front of me, behind me, and who have NEVER left me!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Dear God
Dear God,
This has been a trying couple of days... please continue to give me strength.
Show me your path, lead me to the light of awakening to your word and purpose of why things have to be this way. I rest on knowing you ask for us to trust you and just take one day at a time. We need to focus on our blessings each day.
I know I am best when I live for each day ... but sometimes it is hard to keep my eyes on just today. I sometimes look past at the huge looming mountain ahead of us... the shadow it casts appears very dark. But it is my decision how I go forward. I once again, give all my fears and burdens back to you. I bet you keep wondering why I keep taking them back? I have no idea... they are trash and just weigh me down in life.
For God, I am tired and cannot walk with this emotion of stress and hurt any longer. God, you gave us the power to Love in such a way ... that your love cannot only move mountains, but that great love can shatter hearts at the same time.
But, I believe through you... our hearts now shattered can help us gain an amazing spiritual strength from within. And now... even with a shattered or shredded or aching heart... our love becomes stronger than ever before.
This overwhelming love and suffering combined... is what in the end will move the mountains in front of us. You are love, right God? So the more love we have within ourselves... the closer we are to you. If I think about the past couple days... it now reminds me... how you work. You have allowed me to suffer in my own despair these past few days as my life has been a roller coaster ride of emotion.
Maybe God, you needed me stronger... you needed my love to grow and you needed me closer to you. And through your great love for me, you allowed my heart to be shattered all over . And now it is my time to heal, rebuild and fight. I will with you, now become stronger than ever before. The closer I am to you, God, the more love is inside of me.
Your love gives me a supernatural strength to face my fears... or let go of them. Love can move mountains... so I must believe with full heart that together... you and I will move this mountain .
Draw me closer to you God this week... thanks for always being there for me. I really NEED you!
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
This has been a trying couple of days... please continue to give me strength.
Show me your path, lead me to the light of awakening to your word and purpose of why things have to be this way. I rest on knowing you ask for us to trust you and just take one day at a time. We need to focus on our blessings each day.
I know I am best when I live for each day ... but sometimes it is hard to keep my eyes on just today. I sometimes look past at the huge looming mountain ahead of us... the shadow it casts appears very dark. But it is my decision how I go forward. I once again, give all my fears and burdens back to you. I bet you keep wondering why I keep taking them back? I have no idea... they are trash and just weigh me down in life.
For God, I am tired and cannot walk with this emotion of stress and hurt any longer. God, you gave us the power to Love in such a way ... that your love cannot only move mountains, but that great love can shatter hearts at the same time.
But, I believe through you... our hearts now shattered can help us gain an amazing spiritual strength from within. And now... even with a shattered or shredded or aching heart... our love becomes stronger than ever before.
This overwhelming love and suffering combined... is what in the end will move the mountains in front of us. You are love, right God? So the more love we have within ourselves... the closer we are to you. If I think about the past couple days... it now reminds me... how you work. You have allowed me to suffer in my own despair these past few days as my life has been a roller coaster ride of emotion.
Maybe God, you needed me stronger... you needed my love to grow and you needed me closer to you. And through your great love for me, you allowed my heart to be shattered all over . And now it is my time to heal, rebuild and fight. I will with you, now become stronger than ever before. The closer I am to you, God, the more love is inside of me.
Your love gives me a supernatural strength to face my fears... or let go of them. Love can move mountains... so I must believe with full heart that together... you and I will move this mountain .
Draw me closer to you God this week... thanks for always being there for me. I really NEED you!
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
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